The Parenthood Decision
Do you ask yourself the following questions; Do I want children? Do I want to be a parent? Are you unsure of the answers and tired of being stuck in indecision? If so I can help.
Do you wonder how everyone else just knows if they want kids or not? Are you sitting on the fence, feeling ambivalent and as though you will never know which direction to take? Have you done the pros and cons lists to no avail? If so, I know what it feels like to not know if having children and becoming a parent are for you. I too, was a fence sitter, stuck in indecision.
Are you ambivalent about having children and feel that you should just know? Many individuals face this dilemma, feeling pressure from societal norms and personal expectations to have a clear stance on parenthood. This can be a confusing and isolating experience, especially when you feel like you should have a definitive answer. If you find yourself struggling with this uncertainty, you are not alone. Many people do struggle with the question of whether or not to have children, though they may not voice their indecision. Perhaps like them, you have had your feelings dismissed by family or friends who say, “you will change your mind,” “just do it, you’ll make it work” or “it’s different when they are your own”. For those that are clear one way or the other, it is an easy decision. For those facing ambivalence, the decision is hard and can keep you stuck on a merry-go-round of thoughts for months or years. By coming to JG Psychotherapy, we can explore your inner world and understand your own desires in order to make a decision that is right for you and your circumstances. Giving you the confidence that the decision is the right one for you, and allowing you to be confident when people question you, even if you end up saying, that is not something I want to discuss right now.
Have you always envisioned yourself having children, but as you get older and hear the biological clock ticking, you begin to question whether parenthood and having children is right for you? This is a common experience for many who assumed that having children was a given, something that everyone does, only to face doubts and uncertainties as they approach the age where the decision becomes more pressing. You probably grew up with the narrative that you complete school, get a job, find a partner, marry, buy a house and have children and this is the path to happiness and fulfilment. You probably have already met most of these milestones, but now you are questioning it all. In a compassionate, judgement-free space I can help you unpack and challenge these societal and cultural stories and norms to delve below the external pressures that you face, to uncover your desire on whether or not having children is for you. Once you know your desire around having children, you can make a decision taking into account your unique circumstances, values and beliefs, ensuring that the decision is right for you.
Have you produced too many to count pros and cons lists and still don't know what you want? Going back and forth, unable to commit to a choice? Decision-making tools can be helpful, but sometimes they aren't enough to resolve deep-seated ambivalence. This may indicate that your decision about whether to have children involves more than just logical reasoning—it may require a deeper emotional and introspective exploration. By addressing and working through your fears and anxieties around having children and becoming a parent or not, together we can explore where these stories, fears and anxieties have come from and if they actually resonate with you or its something you think you have to worry about due to societal conditioning. In our time together you will examine various life scenarios to help you clarify your vision on your future and what is important for you.
Do you feel like the odd one out because it seems like people just know if they do or don't want kids? This perceived certainty in others can make your own ambivalence feel even more unsettling. Perhaps you have accessed child-free groups and content, only to find that it doesn't resonate with you. These communities can be a great support system for some, but they might not address your unique feelings of ambivalence. Have you found as your friends have started to have children and become parents there is a distance between you? You’re no longer on the same page as their priorities and focus have (understandably) changed. Perhaps they have found other friends with children and you are feeling even more confused, disconnected and lonely. It almost feels as if there is no place for someone who is truly undecided or caught between the possibilities. However, you aren’t alone. It's important to recognise that many people experience doubts and ambivalence around becoming a parent and having children. I can help you navigate your unique circumstances, feelings, doubts, fears and anxieties to understand how you feel about children and whether or not you want to become a parent. Taking the time to make the decision that is right for you will allow you to step into the decision you make while allowing any feelings of loss or grief be processed from the path not chosen.
Are you fearful that you will change your mind, or you will regret not having children because this is what family, friends and society have told you? Perhaps you have looked at the Facebook or Reddit groups about regretting parenthood (which the mainstream societal narrative on families and children doesn’t allow for) and now you are scared about make a decision either way. You are almost at the point of allowing the universe to decide for you, unsure if you will be more disappointed if you are or are not pregnant. Do you want to see your parents as Grandparents but unsure if this is the right path for you? If so, we can work together to delve into your heart to see if you have the desire for children. This introspection can be an essential part of your journey. Therapy can provide a supportive space to explore your feelings, helping you to understand your desires, fears, and hopes more clearly. Whether you decide to have children or find fulfilment in a different path, therapy can assist you in making a decision that aligns with your true self and brings you peace, knowing that you have made the decision that is correct for you. Taking the time to explore and address your decision, knowing that it is right for you, allows clarity when feelings of sadness or thoughts of regret about the decision you made pop up. You can allow those feelings and thoughts to have a moment, knowing that you allowed yourself time and opportunity to delve into and explore your core values and authentic desires, coming to the decision that is right for you. This doesn’t mean that you will never experience thoughts or feelings wondering what your other decision would have been like, it merely allows you to come back to why you made the decision you did. Having made an informed decision on what you want and which path is best for you, may allow you to discuss, think and explore how you want to parent, to ensure that your own self-care and needs are taken care of. If you do decide children of your own aren’t for you, making an informed decision can help you cultivate the life you want and perhaps you focus more effort into being an aunt or uncle to family or friends children. Perhaps there are other ways you want to bring young people into your world, through being a mentor or being more involved with the young person next door. Or perhaps this will allow you more time to put energy into your community improving services for others. Or you can focus more time on yourself. There is no one way to live.
Are you childless through infertility or circumstance, grieving the loss of the life you imagined, but now looking towards a future without kids and wanting to know how to move forward with joy and purpose? This situation can be incredibly painful and disorienting, as you navigate the complex emotions of loss and the need to redefine your identity and future plans. Finding a way to embrace a fulfilling and joyful life without children is a journey that requires support and understanding. JG Psychotherapy can provide a compassionate, safe and judgement-free space for you to explore and delve into your beliefs, values and desires to cultivate a life that you love, while giving space to the feelings of grief and loss. Understanding yourself allows you to bring into your life the people and things that nourish you and allow you to move forward with compassion, empathy and purpose.
The decision to become a parent is deeply personal and can be one of life's most challenging crossroads. All of your feelings, from ambivalence, fear, regret, sadness, guilt and anything in-between are normal and valid.
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My goal at JG Psychotherapy is not to push you towards or away from parenthood, but to help you explore your inner self so that you can uncover what you truly want. By learning to tune out the noise from external influences (no matter how well intended) and listen to your inner voice, your authentic self and desires can be heard. Allowing you to feel confident in the choice you make, while giving yourself permission to live how you want.
Remember, there's no universally "right" choice – only the right choice for you. Together, we'll work towards a decision that resonates with your heart and aligns with your life goals.
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Ready to start your journey towards clarity? I invite you to reach out for a free 15-minute consultation. Let's discuss how we can work together to help you feel confident and at peace with your decision about children and parenthood.
